I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel, deep down, that I was worthless.
As a child, I strove to be perfect enough for my parents and teachers. Later, I worked to earn the love and approval of men.
It took a child to help me find joy in being imperfect…
One of my favorite days with just-turned-4-Jonathon this past week was babysitting day. I grew up adoring children — volunteering in the church nursery as soon as I was old enough, teaching Sunday School, and babysitting straight through from age 11 until I’d reached nearly full-time status in my early 20s.
I absolutely love to dance, but growing up, had few opportunities. When I did, it was always at weddings, and I was so self-conscious that my dancing consisted of shifting my weight back and forth.
At some point in my early 20s (likely after a drink or two), I started watching how other girls danced — and decided that most of it was simply not giving a crap about what other people thought.
I often describe myself as a people pleaser — someone who thinks of other’s approval instead of what she needs herself.
Daylle Deanna Schwartz, an author, speaker and self-empowerment counselor, writes a blog entitled “Lessons From a Recovering Doormat“.
Her story reminds me a lot of the journey I’m just beginning.